Wellbeing Capstone with Genos

Transcript

KATE MORRIS:  Welcome, everybody.  Great to have you in the room with us today joining us for the final Genos session for the year.  Fantastic to have Ben Palmer with us again today.  We're joined by David Sutton from Maryborough Education Centre.  Welcome, David.  Maria Otto is also going to feature on the panel today.  Maria is past principal at Sunbury Downs Secondary College and it's great to have you with us today also, Maria.  And Peter Hough is here DJing the Zoom, one of our colleagues at Bastow as well.  Great to have you and if you could pop your name in the chat and where you're joining us from, that would be fantastic. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Good afternoon, everyone.  Ben from Genos here.  Looking forward to be with you all today and facilitating the session.  It's great to have you joining us from right across the great State of Victoria. 

KATE MORRIS:  Thanks, everyone, for joining us.  A bit of a repeat here but I can see you are coming into the room.  If you could pop your name and your school, your role anyone who's with you in the room today.  Welcome.  Fantastic to have Ben Palmer with us leading the session today.  And, Ben, your guidance and expertise across the last six months has been fantastic and I know many of you who are joining us today have been part of those sessions and have really found them valuable around maintaining our own wellbeing but also the connections that we can make and bring to colleagues in our communities and young people.  So thanks, everyone. 

This is really investing in yourself.  It's lifting up those around you and we're delighted to have David Sutton with us today from Maryborough Education Centre.  Maria Oddo, our in‑house Bastow principal, past principal from Sunbury Downs Secondary College, is also with us today, and Peter Hough is working the room for us and managing the chat.  So thank you, all. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Hi, everyone.  Ben Palmer here from Genos.  I'm really looking forward to facilitating the session with you this afternoon.  While we're just waiting for a couple more people to join us, let me do a shoutout to any staff who might be joining us from Yallambie Primary School, where I want to Primary School, or from St Helena Secondary College, where I finished my high school years. 

KATE MORRIS:  Thanks, Ben, and let's begin the session.  We're delighted to have David Howes with us to launch the workshop today.  Thanks for joining us, David.  Of course, David is the Deputy Secretary of Schools and Regional Services and can I hand over to you. 

DAVID HOWES: Thanks very much, Kate.  Good afternoon, everyone.  Thank you very much for taking the time to participate in this seminar.  Can I begin by acknowledging that wherever we join from ‑ and it is from many different locations today ‑ we are on land that was, is and always will be Aboriginal land and I pay my respects to Elders of all the lands past, present and emerging. 

Ben, thank you for all the work that you've done, and terrific to have a capstone session to ring a closure to this part of the year, but I'm sure part of what we'll explore are the things that we want to learn and take out of this year into the new year and some pedants would say it's the new decade starting 2021, from January the 1st.  So I do thank people for making the time.  It is, as we've said so often, really crucial that people take steps necessary to support our own wellbeing because otherwise it would have been impossible for us to support anyone else, and one of the characteristics of the year, I think, has been the support ‑ well, that I know has been the support that people have given each other, and these seminars have played a really important role in that.

So I'm sure that this will be valuable on reflecting on what we've learnt.  For me it was an appreciation of the role that my two dogs play in preserving my mental health and physical wellbeing because whatever was happening on the day, even at the height of the pandemic, they didn't know that and they wanted to get out for their walk.  So, Ben, I discovered that the theory is true, that exercise does make a difference to your mental health, and I know that many days I wouldn't have got out without those dogs so I owe them a huge debt of gratitude, which will mean absolutely nothing to them as long as I keep giving them their bones to eat when we get back from the walk! But, no, those things that we've learnt about ourselves that ‑ I think everyone would say we have learnt something about ourselves and about our connections with both colleagues and, of course, connections with people outside work that were tested this year in ways that we probably haven't experienced before. 

So I do thank people for making the time obviously right at the end of term.  We're almost there.  People have done an outstanding job and I guess a small risk is that the adrenalin wears off very quickly, come about 1.30pm on Friday, and that can be a danger period too, as we know.  And the last thing we want is for people to crash out Friday afternoon, Saturday and not be able to make the most of the recovery.  So having this opportunity to work with Ben on some of the strategies that we can use to best manage ourselves is incredibly useful.  So, Ben, thank you again and we look forward to a really productive and engaging hour as always. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Thank you, David.  We ran eight of these throughout the year and you've been here to personally open each of them and I know that people right across the State of Victoria have appreciated that opening, so thank you once again for coming in, sharing a little bit of yourself and introducing our webinar.  Thank you very much.

Alright.  Well, without any further ado, as I said, we have run eight of these throughout the year and today we want to invite you to revisit, refresh and connect with the content.  This capstone webinar brings together the content that's resonated with thousands of people who've attended throughout the year.  So we hope you enjoy it.  It doesn't matter whether you've been to one or none.  You've got a great workbook with you and today you'll be hearing about the content again.  If you have been here, great.  Take a refresh and a bit of a revisit.  If you haven't been to any of these, we hope you enjoy the journey that we're going to take you on today.

The first part of our webinar is really going to focus on us.  We're going to look at the proactive things that we can all do to just give ourselves that little lift in our own wellbeing, to stop that crash that David was mentioning there in his opening.  Then the second part of our webinar is really going to focus on being a positive influence on others, which, of course, is not only good for those around us; it's also good for our own wellbeing.  So we've got the two main parts to our webinar today and we hope you really enjoy it.

There's really three sources of learning that you can draw from in this webinar today.  The first, of course, is the content.  We hope you get inspired by some of the content that we've got there.  The second is the discussion.  I'm going to be inviting Maria and David all along the way to give us their thoughts and their input and to be sharing of themselves. 

The third source of learning that I hope you also get inspired from is each other.  So along the way, as we have throughout the year, we want to invite you to let us know your thoughts and perspectives in the chat box.  If you've got a question or a comment at any stage, hit us up in the chat box.  Now, the chat box defaults to 'All Panellists', which means that only me and David and Maria, and Peter Hough who is in the chat box there with you, we're the only people who will see it.  If you can, please move to 'All Panellists and Attendees' before your type in your comment.  That way, all of us who are joining us today will be able to see the great questions and the great contributions that you make.  So if I can just ask you to be cognisant of that as we go through, that will help us all be inspired from that third source of learning: learning from each other.

Without any further ado, let's get started.  As you may well know, our wellbeing is like the fingerprints on our hands.  We all have it.  It's unique to all of us.  What works for some doesn't always work for others, so today I'm going to really ask you to think about the various things that we go through and to really be looking for those things that connect with you personally, that resonate with you, that obviously are things that will work for you, and I want to invite you to experiment.  Adults, as you know, learn from experimentation, learn from doing, so one of the things I really want to invite you to do today is get into that learning mindset and into that mode of experimentation to try something new along the way as we move into the year.

Let me use this opportunity to bring in Maria here first.  I'm going to ask Maria what's something you've learned about your own wellbeing this year and then while you're listening to Maria give her answer, let me invite you to hit us up in the chat box.  Let us know something that you've learnt about your wellbeing throughout the year.  Maria, I'm going to bring you in and then I'll ask David to give us a few reflections on the chat box.  Thanks.  Good afternoon, Maria. 

MARIA ODDO:  Good afternoon, Ben, and good afternoon, everyone.  It's great to be with you all.  I think we've had a really interesting year where we've thought about ourselves and our own wellbeing.  I've certainly learnt a lot about myself in a period where I've worked from home since March.  I've learnt that I need to put myself first in a different way ‑ it certainly looked really different ‑ and that I needed to think more importantly about what I needed at different points in time to support my own wellbeing.  And it looked different. 

So I've always loved to walk but I learnt to do different types of walks and I learnt to engage with my family in a really different way, where I needed to carve out time for myself because we were all working and living at home together.  So really carving out that personal time so that I could support myself during the year. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Thanks, Maria.  I think we've all really learnt to engage with family and friends in different ways, this medium obviously being one of them, as has FaceTime and other things like it.  Thanks very much.  David, any reflections on the chat box or a thought of your own that you've learnt about your wellbeing to share? Don't forget to take yourself off mute, David. 

DAVID SUTTON:  Sorry.  I thought I'd already done that.  Welcome, everybody, and thanks for having me speak with you today.  My recollections are very similar to Maria's actually in terms of placing myself more at the forefront, I guess, and taking more time out and trying to establish more balance in my life.  There's simple things too, such as walking the long way to school.  I'm fortunate I don't have to drive.  I can walk about a kilometre to come to school, and rather than trudging up the same hill every day, going in a different direction and getting myself a coffee and walking, and then the different things that that's brought to me in terms of I'm also trying to get to school a little bit later on occasions so I sometimes find myself walking with the students to school, which has given me some great pleasure as well. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Excellent.  Thanks for sharing and I love your comment there: "it's not happiness that brings us gratitude; it's gratitude that brings us happiness".  So this is a great question to be thinking about.  This year has been a year that's tested our wellbeing and it's tested it quite a lot.  Don't forget to reflect on the things that you might have learnt about your wellbeing this year.  It's a really important little thing to think about how to carry the best of that forward as we move into 2021. 

Indeed, today I'm going to invite you to think about this notion of stretch, of leaning in just that little bit more, thinking about a couple of small things that you might be able to stop or start doing that just give yourself that little 2%, 3% or 4% boost, if you like, in your wellbeing.  It's amazing what a little 2% or 3% boost in wellbeing can mean for us and mean for the people around us.  So, as we go through today, keep in the back of your mind this notion of stretch.  And thank you to those who are starting to contribute in the chat box.  That's fantastic to get some of those.  We can see here somebody saying: "A balance in life is important and I have discovered other joys in life during restrictions".  Maria, something that is in line and akin to some of the things that you were saying, so thank you.

Okay, so we're going to look at some proactive wellbeing strategies.  If you want to follow along with me in the workbook, you can.  There are four main buckets of strategies that we're going to look at: thinking strategies; physical ‑ obviously a big connection between our physical health and our wellbeing and our psychological wellbeing, if you like; relationship strategies; and, finally, environmental strategies.  And as we go through each of these, I want to invite you to firstly contribute by letting us know something that you're already doing in the chat box.  So you'll hear a list of things and you'll undoubtedly be thinking about the sorts of things you're already doing.  That's great.  Let us know in the chat box so we can draw on that third source of important learning: participant learning.  Then I'm going to ask you to go for a stretch in each of those areas.  I'll get you to just circle something or take a quick note, even if it's just in a dot point, for each of the things that we go through.  So try and identify one new thing, if you can, in each of the four areas, and then I'll stop.  I'm going to play a little bit of music.  While the music's going, I'll invite you to bring all those things that you've written down into a single action plan.  What's something you will do to give yourself that little 2% or 3% boost that I'm talking about earlier there.

Okay, so without any further ado, the thinking strategies.  At the end of this, I'm going to ask David to come in and share something that he's been doing in this area and I'll get Maria to reflect on the chat box.  So, as you're going through, as you're listening, think about those things that you've been doing that might fall into this category.  Top of the list for me is boundaries, creating boundaries around things, whether it's people who gobble too much time or too much time on Netflix, stopping and spending a little bit of time thinking about putting some boundaries around some unhealthy habits by way of example that you might have.  For me, I've created boundaries around what I call my 'holy trinity' ‑ alcohol, coffee and the phone.  I've put boundaries around alcohol, for example, moving it from most nights of the week to just Friday and Saturday nights, and that's been really good for me.  Coffee: no coffee after 2pm.  And putting the phone into aeroplane mode as I come home for the evening or whilst I've been in lockdown at home, putting it into aeroplane mode so I can be more present  and connected with the kids as I finish my work day.  That's been a really great little set of boundaries for me.

A lot of us have felt quite anxious from the news and social media in particular, and I think reducing how often we tune into the news and social media has been a healthy habit for a lot of people.  Gratitude reflections ‑ a lot of great things that have happened this year and, as David was commenting about before, gratitude is a source of happiness rather than the other way around.

Spending a little bit of time diarising some think and reflection time, reflecting on the day that's been, what's gone well, what hasn't, what's the day ahead look like, what do we need to prepare for.  I have found that really useful this year as well.  And perspective taking generally ‑ making sure we've got a balance between what we listen to and what we read.  That can be really good.  On that last one, I've been choosing to tune into the Good News Network.  If you haven't seen that, go and Google it, the Good News Network ‑ a news channel totally dedicated to positive news and I've found that a really great source of gratitude actually.

David, what's something that you've been using in this sort of category this year that you've found particularly useful? As you're listening, let us know something you've been doing in the chat box.  Thanks, David. 

DAVID SUTTON:  Yeah, I've been using bits of all of those strategies, Ben.  I think they're all really helpful and, in particular, the gratitude reflections.  I think this year has really given us all cause to reflect on what we're grateful for and aren't we lucky we live where we live rather than in other parts of the world.  So that's been really important to me, and also creating boundaries.  Over the last few years I've been doing lots of work with the Early Intervention Program for Principals and I've really discovered the importance of setting and creating boundaries.  Being a principal of a large school in a low SES area in a small town actually means I don't have much boundaries ‑ actually, I don't often have any boundary between my personal life and my work life, and while I can't always deal with that, I've learnt to be more aware of it and understand it, and that self‑awareness, I think, is what it's really about. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Thank you.  Thanks for those reflections there.  I concur with a lot of them.  Maria, we've been getting a few people commenting in the chat box, which is great to see, and a couple of things coming up.  What's something that's resonating with you from the chat box?

MARIA ODDO:  Yes, Ben, we've had a few comments in the chat box and they're all around the theme of boundaries, creating boundaries.  We've had comments about creating or really compartmentalising work and home time, and also having time for one's self and really creating the boundary about that.  And certainly I can concur with that, that that was something that I needed to learn.  I've also been thinking, Ben, how right you are about the news.  I know that I made a blanket rule where I just stopped watching it because I just found that it was really impacting my day‑to‑day thinking about things and really created this level of uncertainty.  So I loved your reference to the Good News Network and found that really helpful.  But social media, turning the phone off, has really been helpful for me and the way that I think about the world around me.  There's also a comment about how social media has seemed to have impacted people as well, so we're getting that through the chat as well. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Yes, absolutely.  Lots of comments around taking a bit more time for each other, slowing things down.  If there's one thing that this year has really given us perspective around, I think it's health and connection with people and just how important that is.

So let's turn to our next bucket of strategies now ‑ physical ‑ and again I'll invite you to think about what you've been doing that's worked really well and then I'll invite you to go for stretch.  What's that little thing you might have not been doing that you could start doing?  Top cab off the rank here is sleeping better.  Huge discipline in and of itself.  Enormous amounts of information on Google, if you like.  Just Google that term.  There's just so many things you can do, like the no caffeine after 2pm; standing outside in the dark for a while.  Little routines and rituals that we can all engage in to help us sleep better. 

One of the great things to do for yourself too is to stop and ask yourself, "What's the optimal amount of sleep I need and how many nights of the week I'm getting that?".  Big connection between obviously our sleep and our physical health but our sleep and our emotional health as well.

Drinking less caffeine and alcohol, two substances that obviously play around with our nervous systems in particular.  Reducing those can be good for us.  Improving our diet ‑ typically eating as much whole foods as we can.  This year I've been calorie counting in particular.  I've found that really useful.  I've been using the app Easy Diet to help calorie count.  Try to get some exercise in most days; importantly, try to come to a full sweat a couple of times during the week, if you can.  That's really, really good for us.  And this one ‑ mindfulness meditation; we could have put this anywhere.  It's as much a thinking strategy as it is a physical.  There are obviously apps like Smiling Mind, and I like that one in particular.  I think it's a good one to do with relationships and to do with the environment.  So that could have gone anywhere.  But here's a great list of physical things.  Maria, what's something that you've done this year that's worked for you in the physical space and, as you're listening to her, give us some reflections in the chat box as you're doing that.  Thank you, everyone. 

MARIA ODDO:  Yes, Ben, I've also tried to work on my sleep so that I could sleep better.  It was definitely something that was a bit out of control at one point and I created some routines around that that I thought would help me, and they've ended up being the best thing.  So I started to have baths.  I also bought myself one of those oil burners.  I started using those as well, and then having this ritual of having cups of tea at night and just really quietening down the house.  I have found that's incredibly improved the way my sleep is at the moment. 

I gave up coffee.  It was a decision that I made.  I totally gave it up and I've never looked back.  I know that that's not for everyone but it really worked for me, although I couldn't give up all the alcohol.  So I'm drinking that less, Ben, I'd like to say, but I did give up the caffeine.  But I've found that changing the diet as well, just cooking all the meals, not having much take‑away and actually having a lot of plant‑based ingredients has really improved just my energy levels and also how I sleep.  It's just been incredible.  So I've found all those things have really made a difference this last year. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Thanks, Maria, and certainly sleeping better is one of my things to focus on in the new year.  I haven't had enough sleep I think this year.  One of my clients sent me some relaxing bath bombs, so I liked your comment about hopping in the bath, and I've got good motivation to have a go at that.  So thank you.  David, we've been getting some great contributions in the chat box too as we've been listening. 

DAVID SUTTON:  Yes, some really good contributions around the rituals, I think, of ensuring that we do the exercise daily and it doesn't have to always be breaking into a sweat.  It can be a 30‑minute walk around the block, monitoring food and obviously the alcohol seems to come up a bit too where people are trying to modify their alcohol consumption. I was talking with a colleague about it too recently and she likes to refer to it as 'mindful drinking', that when you drink the red wine, you're actually savouring it, also with our food as well, which was a way I liked to look at it too. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Yes, absolutely.  I like that: 'mindful drinking'.  I'm looking forward to a bit of that on Friday night.  So thank you for sharing.  Great.  OK.  Thanks, everyone, for the contributions.  We've got some stuff about water in there as well.  Very good.  And vegetables.  Certainly food has been, I think, one of those ones ‑ we've been out of the takeaway shops, haven't we, and more into eating healthy food.  Thank you, everyone who's contributing.

Let's go to our next one.  Turn over the page, page number 6 in the workbook, 'Relationship Strategies'.  Up on screen here, I've got just a little summary, if you like, of Susan Pinker's book 'The Village Effect'.  Susan's looked at centenarians and interestingly looked at the sorts of things that will predict whether we live to 100 or not.  She looked obviously at mortality and the contribution these sorts of things make and you can see their relative contribution to our health and wellbeing.  Social integration, which she defines as knowing your post person by name, knowing the local lollipop person by name or knowing the person by name who runs the local 7/11, and close relationships are two of the strongest predictors of our wellbeing over other things that we might study here in the session today.  So this is a really important area for us all, isn't it?

Let's have a look at some of the strategies that we can use here.  Generally, relationship and improvement/goal‑setting actions and we're going to do a little bit around that indeed in the webinar today.  Thinking about your important relationships and just asking yourself that question: what can I do to improve myself as a father, as a parent, as a work colleague, for example? There would be really great things to do.  Staying connected with people, having structured regular check‑in times ‑ I know this is important too.  Getting involved in network groups, conferences and industry events.  We've been doing this online.  We're hopefully going to have the opportunity to do this in person as we move into 2021.  And leaning into conflict‑difficult conversations.  Whether there are people, in particular in groups, there's usually conflict and there's a real art to being able to lean into and host and facilitate these conversations with finesse.  Books like 'Crucial Conversations' can be really useful in this area. 

Before I go to David for something he's done in this space, I'll share one of my own with you.  On that social integration notion that I was talking about from Susan Pinker's work, I set myself the goal of getting to know all my neighbours in my street.  I live in quite a big street and I've always known the immediate neighbours on either side and across the road but haven't known all the neighbours up the street.  So every Sunday for half an hour, I'd set myself a goal of getting to know a couple of people I haven't known in the street before.  I've had the door slammed in my face and been told that I'm a bit weird and I've also been invited in for donuts and cups of coffee.  It's been an amazing experience and something that I've got a lot out of.

So over to you, David.  Something that's worked for you in this area this year?

DAVID SUTTON:  Yes, thanks, Ben.  We found as a leadership team up here in Maryborough the Bastow webinar by Steve Munby was really important for us and helped get us through the year, I think, and in particular that leaning into the wind or turning up was really important.  But the last piece of that webinar where he talks about power and love and how as leaders we've got to use equal amounts of power and love.  But we made a decision as a leadership team that, given the circumstances of the year, we would really focus on the love.  While relationships have always been key to all we've done, we would really place them at the centre and focus on the love piece that Steve Munby talks about.  So that's been really helpful for us and has guided us through the difficult times. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Some lovely reflections.  Maria, we've also been getting some contributions in the chat box in this category. 

MARIA ODDO:  Yes, we have, Ben.  We've had some comments around leaning into those difficult conversations.  We've had a comment here about courageous conversations.  I really love that because I think sometimes we forget that you need really courage to have those conversations that make you feel sometimes uncomfortable.  So that's been a comment from one of our participants.

I also really liked the comment about smiling even when you're wearing a mask, and I know that that's been a challenge for us this year where we've really missed that visual that we get, the cue that we get, and I know that I certainly concur with that, but I have found that I was saying 'good morning' to people because I couldn't actually see them smiling at me and that was something that I found really helpful in just feeling a little bit connected to my neighbours and people that I'd see on my walks around my neighbourhood. 

But I also want to make a point, Ben ‑ I've been thinking since you were talking about your network, I actually joined a book club this year for the very first time, a virtual book club, and I found that that's really helped me connect in a very different way with something I always wanted to do, but the fact that I actually did it this year made me connect with a very different group of people, people that have made me think in a deep way and definitely connecting in a very different way because it's not quite social; it's not quite work.  But it still gets you thinks about the reading material.  So I've really enjoyed that. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Awesome.  Excellent. Thanks for sharing.  We've got smiling and the waving, generally lifting our heads up, putting the phones down, and that's a really good thing.  And someone's joined a choir.  Fantastic. 

One of the things I will talk just briefly about on our difficult conversations, I like to think of three mindsets that work really well there.  Number one, you've got to be courageous.  You've got to have a point of view.  Number two, you've got to have clarity and getting the sense making.  Wherever there is conflict, there's usually points of view that don't align.  So having your open questions and really demonstrating mindful listening is really important.  And the other mindset I like to think of is equity, that no two people are the same and to really bring an equity kind of mindset to those conversations can work really well. 

Let's go to our final category here again, bottom of page number 6, our environmental strategies: burning scents and playing music. I've been reading up on music and its healing powers.  Music has been shown by way of example to improve post‑surgery outcomes and to improve blood flow, and like the fingerprints on our hands, it's the music that works well for us, so I would really encourage you to use music if you're looking for that new thing.  Structuring our email and call times ‑ again things we can put boundaries around, if you like; engaging in things that you love doing and engaging in things that move you emotionally.  Our emotional system is really important.  It's like any other system in the body.  If we want to get better at regulating it and experiencing our emotions to our fullest, think about exercising it.  Something I've done around this this year is print out a whole heap of old photos and sit down and go through them with my mum.  I've found that to be a really moving thing.  We've laughed; we've cried.  We've really enjoyed doing that together. 

Maria, something that's worked well for you in this area?  And as you're listening to Maria talk, don't forget to let us know something that's worked well for you in this area.  Thanks, Maria. 

MARIA ODDO:  Ben, I love a bit of music too and I've found different types of music at different parts of the day have really helped me.  Definitely I've found that the meditation ‑ really calm music late at night ‑ has assisted with that routine in preparing for sleep.  So I concur with you about music. 

I've spoken about burning scents.  My family think I've gone crazy.  I've bought every oil you can imagine just to sort of represent the mood that I want the house to have for the day.  But I've found the vaporiser has been fantastic, especially because I'm working from home, and if I'm trying to be alert, using those oils have been great.  And for me, keeping connected with my family, it moves me emotionally, so I've really carved out time for myself during the day to contact my mum and dad particularly, because they're elderly, and that just boosts my emotions every day.  So that's what I've been doing. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Thanks, Maria, and thank you to those that have been chatting in the chat box.  Let's bring it all together.  Hopefully you've identified a little new thing you could either stop or start doing in any of the four areas.  What I'm going to do now is just play a little piece of music.  It goes for three minutes.  During this three minutes, just reflect yourself.  There's a reflection sheet, page number 7 in the workbook.  If you haven't got the workbook, you can see the questions up on screen here.  Just grab a piece of paper and a pen.  Go through them for yourself and then we'll move into the next bit where we're going to look at being a positive influence on others.  If you find the music distracting, just turn your volume down for the next three minutes.  If you like music and you find it stimulating and it will help you, leave the music on.  Thanks, everyone.  Here we go.

(Music plays) 

DR BEN PALMER:  Okay.  Well, that was 'Take You Dancing' and I chose that piece of music very deliberately.  One of the things that I've been doing just in the last couple of weeks is joining a dancing Zoom session with the kids and my partner, and that brings together, of course, the physical and the relationship strategies together, and strategies that sometimes combine the two can work really well. 

So let's switch gears now.  I want to invite you to page number 8 in the workbook.  I want to now have a think about how we can have a more positive influence on those around us.  I love this little picture of the young guy putting his hand on the static creator there.  So who would you like to have a positive influence on over the holidays? Is it your partner? Is it your kids? Is it some of your siblings? Is it a parent? Have a think about that for yourself.  On page 8, I want to invite you to engage with me in this relationship circles activity. 

The first thing we need to do here on page number 8 is just give our circles meaningful headings.  So for me, I'm a father so I put the word 'father'.  I've got three young kids and I'm putting the names of the three young kids in there.  I've got me as a partner, so I've given that circle heading 'partner'.  I have two brothers and a sister, so I've got the heading 'siblings', and so on.  So for the first step, just give your circles relevant headings.  I know there's only four circles there.  That will do for now.  You can come back and revisit this.  So once you've got the headings, put some names of relevant people in them.  Then, finally, underline or highlight someone that you'd like to focus on over the holiday period.  Once you've done that, type in 'Ready' into the chat box to let me know that we're ready to start looking at the relationship improvement activities.  While we're waiting, David, if I could ask you, have you got somebody in mind who you're going to focus on for this next section of our webinar? 

DAVID SUTTON:  Yes, Ben, and we're in the fortunate position of being grandparents for the first time.  Grace and I ‑ in January, our daughter had a baby.  So we're looking forward to Christmas at our house with a nearly 1‑year‑old, Violet.  So it's been a great joy to see our daughter be such a beautiful mum and I'm really looking forward to spending that time with Violet and, metaphorically and actually, getting down to her level and playing lots on the floor.  We're also fortunate too to still have my parents.  They'll be coming up as well and we'll spend lots of time together and I'm really going to focus on having meaningful connection with them, as they're in their late 80s now, so that's going to be really important to take that time and be very present.  

DR BEN PALMER:  Okay.  Excellent.  I know that little granddaughter is almost 1.  That's a beautiful age, especially at Christmas time, so I'm guessing it's going to be a special place in your household. 

Page number 9, let's have a look at some general strategies that we can engage in.  I've got Brett Sutton up here as a metaphor, if you like, for our first thing that we can do, if we want to improve the impact we have on others and our relationships, and that is simply to plan and be a little bit more intentional.  We talked about slowing down and taking a bit of time for ourselves.  Sometimes this only takes five minutes to do, but it can be a really great way of just lifting 2% or 3% the interactions that you might have with people.  You can see some of the reflective questions there on page number 9 that I've put in the book.  You could use all or some of these.  They're meant to be there as a thought stimulus for you.  Here are some of them: what's the mood and emotions that the people I'm meeting ‑ what are they going to be feeling? What mood and emotions might they have? What mood and emotions are therefore most appropriate for the interaction? There's nothing worse than somebody's unbridled positivity if that's not what the situation calls for, if you like.  What's the best environment for this interaction? Is it inside, outside, formal, relaxed? How might I help really foster connection through things like the environment? What questions could I ask? How am I going to acknowledge what I've heard and to signify my understanding? What interesting and relevant information could I share? How am I going to keep the conversation on and make it interesting to the people that I'm working with? So this is by no means an exhaustive list but just some of the questions that might be relevant.  Obviously, the context and the relationship plays a part there in what is relevant. 

Maria, what other things can we plan for or be more intentional about when setting up our interactions with others? Anything come to mind for you there?  And, as you're listening to Maria, let us know some of the things that this has got you thinking about in the chat box. 

MARIA ODDO:  It's a really good question, Ben.  I think when we're engaging with other people, we don't really understand what they're coming with, the experience or the circumstance, unless you've built that really strong relationship, and when you're having a meaningful conversation, it's about understanding what they're bringing to the conversation.  It might be a circumstance, an event, that is playing on their mind.  I know that we do it with our colleagues in schools when we're having conversations.  People have a personal life outside of their work life and sometimes that does impact on their mood or the way they go about the conversation, but it's not necessarily about your interaction, and sometimes we need to think about that.

People who come from that comment that David used before about love, having that compassion and love, if you come from that premise, then I think that you can look more deeply into the conversation and think beyond just that circumstance, so I think being intentional in what you're listening to and understanding that perhaps there's baggage that's coming forward. 

I think working in an online environment has been really interesting too, in that sometimes you can't read the person quite so well, so really putting in the techniques that help that.  I find that making phone calls works much better for me than receiving emails.  Just having that voice on the other end, you can read more into what is going on with that person and you can have a real interchange without really looking at language, the written language.  So I've been thinking about that, Ben. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Fantastic. Thanks, Maria.  David, I'm going to bring you in on the next one too.  One of the other things we can obviously do is just to be more present and mindful in our interactions.  There are really some great tools again in Smiling Mind that can help us sharpen our sword, if you like, on being present and demonstrating mindful listening.  In the app it has a mindful listening exercise.  It talks a lot about stilling your own thoughts and judgment and really just focussing not only on what's being said but what's being felt.  It reminds me that we all have the biology for empathy.  It's all there: all the mirror neurons and things.  Sometimes we just need the context, and just focussing on what's being said and what's being felt with other people can be a really good thing to do there.  David, what other little things can we do to help us be present and demonstrate mindful listening?

DAVID SUTTON:  I think it's the intentionality to be present.  Some of that comes down to self‑talk and self‑awareness but really being in the conversation.  Some of the things that I'm trying ‑ and, again, not perfect at any of this by any stretch ‑ but, as you've done, I've put the phone away.  If we go out for coffee, if I go out for tea, I'm more inclined now to leave my phone at home.  I think operating too really in a non‑judgmental space and always remaining open is really important, and the self awareness around your own biases and your own cues, so things that get you going, particularly in the family space, I think is valuable. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Yes, absolutely.  Indeed, one of the things that I've done throughout this year is really tried to broaden perspective.  I'm very progressive in my politics.  I've got a Sky News channel subscription, really just to lean into the other side, if you like, of my political persuasion and really just being mindful to get that perspective.  I have found that very useful in terms of just listening a little bit more, rather than objecting to some of the things that are being said. 

The other thing that I've really used this year that's worked very well is taking one minute for myself before I meet someone to do six deep breaths.  Now, six deep breaths, if you do it the right way, engages your parasympathetic nervous system and really helps just bring out your natural empathetic response to people.  The trick to it, if you like, is exhaling for twice the length of time that you inhale.  So if you inhale for two, you exhale for four.  If you inhale for three seconds, exhale for six.  Anyone who has done yoga will know that sort of breathing technique.  That can be a really great way of just centring yourself and gearing yourself up to some of those interactions.  I've moved from doing it by myself to doing it with the person at the beginning of the interaction.  Again, they thought I was a bit nutty at the time.  My 7‑year‑old daughter loves to do it with me more than most people that I come across. 

Maria, we've been getting some contributions in the chat box and no doubt this has got you thinking of a couple of things too.  What else can we do to be more present and demonstrate mindful listening?

MARIA ODDO:  Yes, sure, Ben.  We've had comments about active listening.  I really like what one of our participants wrote.  The question was: what does this person want at this moment?  So trying to really dig in deeply when you're actively listening.  Asking questions so that you're making sure that you're creating space for others, and also talk less often and rephrase what they have said.  I really think that's great advice that's coming through the chat. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Yes, absolutely.  All great things that help us just be that little bit more present and demonstrate mindful listening.  Okay, we're going to switch gears a little bit here.  If we think about those two things as specific things we can do before or in the interactions, here's some more generalist‑type things.  Come with me on page number 10 in the workbook.  As you can see here, there are three other buckets, if you like, of strategies that we can engage in.  One is to improve the quality and/or amount of time that we spend with people.  Here you can see some of the example activities that I've put in the workbook, which include things like looking for activities of mutual interest.  I know a lot of people have been cooking with their partners this year as a way of doing things that improve time spent together.  Practise mindfulness meditation.  We've gone over that.  Putting your phone away.  Taking the time to conceptualise fun or interesting new things to do together.  That's where the dancing came from.  My partner and I were sitting back on the couch and thought, "Let's try and get the kids interested in a bit of dancing".  In fact, a participant gave us the idea on one of these webinars.  There's been a lot of these different Zoom groups that you can join who have been doing dancing.  So there's a whole bucket of strategies with just a few thought provokers there improving the quality or the amount of time that we spend.

The second one: reading books and things like that that might help us think about improving a specific aspect of a relationship, intimacy with a partner, improving your parenting skills, how to be a better friend.  There's heaps of books, heaps of blogs and things like that there, and I've put a few links in the workbooks if that's something that might resonate with that person that you thought about earlier.  And then improving specific relational skills.  We've talked already a fair bit about improving our capacity to facilitate difficult and challenging courageous conversations, by way of example.  Empathy ‑ improving our empathy.  Huge discipline in and of itself.  I know Brené Brown has got a great little YouTube clip on the difference between empathy and sympathy, by way of example, and I know a lot of people who have gone and watched that five‑minute clip and walked away just being that little bit more mindful of how to be empathetic, rather than sympathetic, when they're meeting with people. 

Improving our communication in relationships and enhancing our capacity at facilitating interesting conversation.  I used to be one of those people who didn't like parties because I always thought I was a bit boring and didn't know what to say.  I've read a couple of books and blogs that have really helped me wrestle with that part of myself and I feel more confident now in social interactions where I don't know people.  That's really helped me think about how to quickly generate those more interesting conversations. 

So there's our three different buckets of strategies, if you like, and, of course, you can see there I've got at the end one of the really powerful questions we can simply ask that person that you were thinking of in that box, which is: "what could I do to improve our relationship with each other?".

So in a moment I'm going to ask you to go to our second action plan, page number 11 in the book, thinking about that person that you identified earlier.  I'm going to ask you to just take the contributions that are being made in the chat box and the discussion that we've had so far and I'm going to give you again three minutes to think about the approach that you could take with one of those people that you put in the circles, and in the spirit of continuous improvement there, I'll ask you to think about when you might revisit this activity.  Once you're done, share with us something in the chat box.  When the music's finished, I'll ask Maria to come in and share the thing that she's going to do with the person and I'll ask David to reflect on any of the contributions that you make in the chat box.  So here's our second piece of music.  I'll invite you to go back to that person now and bring it altogether in a little action plan for them.  Thanks, everyone.

(Music plays)  

DR BEN PALMER:  Alright.  Thank you, everyone.  Maria, did this get you thinking of something that you're going to do for that special person in your life?

MARIA ODDO:  Sure, Ben.  So I actually thought about my sister.  I've got one sibling and we live a fair way away from each other, so I've just thought about that relationship.  She really likes to shop and spend time in cafes having breakfast and we also in the past have enjoyed going on holidays together, so I thought I'd carve out some time to actually do some of the things she really loves to do.  There was a participant who mentioned going to a beach house during the break and I'm going to set aside some time to spend time with her and her family at our beach house too. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Lovely.  Thank you.  Thanks very much, Maria.  David, a couple of good things coming through the chat box there.  Something that's resonated with you?

DAVID SUTTON:  Yes, there's one comment that I'd just like to read out in its entirety actually: "Sit sometimes in silence and just give them a hug every now and then and leave notes of encouragement and appreciation".  I think that's lovely.  I love that last bit about notes of encouragement and appreciation.  I think that would be really special for family members and that's something I'm going to work on over the break, just with my loved ones, just make sure they understand how and why they're important to me and I love them.  So that's something ‑ and I think doing this webinar has helped me to understand that a bit better.  So it's been important for me. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Thank you.  And thank you to everyone who's been chatting away in the chat box.  I really appreciate it.  Helping others respond to challenging situations: as we know, the holiday season can be a time of great joy.  It can also be a time of great sorrow.  So I thought it would be remiss of us not to just look at a model that we can use to help us just be and help someone move through a challenging situation because, undoubtedly, those around us may indeed be facing something challenging as we head into the new year.

Page number 13 in the workbook: the EAR model.  A great little model for coaching and helping others, if you like.  As you can see on page number 12, I've put some general things in there that help bring the EAR model to life, if you like.  A couple of the key points.  Number one, we've got to be careful not to bring unbridled positivity to these kinds of conversations which can often emerge when we say things like "She'll be right, mate", "Everything will be fine", "Look on the bright side".  There's a whole range of different ones that we sometimes bring up there and we've got to be careful with that.  It can really deny the situation that some people are facing.

Secondly, we need to listen and coach as much as possible and provide advice only when really invited to do so.  This is because of something known as the empathy gap, which I'll let you read about in the book there.  And here again we want to generally, if we can, plan and be intentional, asking ourselves questions like: what is the best environment for this conversation? What emotion do I want to project and how will I do that? How am I going to signify my understanding, and so on? And now the model itself, a great three‑phase model, if you like, for helping somebody walk through a situation. 

'E' in the EAR model stands for 'empathise' and here we want to be asking questions that help us understand how the person is thinking and feeling, what's gone on for them.  We want to be doing things here like stilling our own thoughts and suspending our own judgment, paraphrasing back, acknowledging what we hear, and towards the end of this phase of the model, exploring what outcome the person would like from, I suppose, tackling the situation, if you like.  And make it real.  A lot of the time some people come up with things they'd like as the outcome that are really unrealistic and unachievable.  We've got to pay attention to that and help people think about things that they might be able to do that is realistic and achievable.

'A' in the EAR model stands for 'alternatives', and here again we want to be asking questions that help people think not only of plan A but of plan B and sometimes even plan C, looking at different ways of responding to the event that's challenging them, if you like.  So we want to invite the person to really engage in different perspectives and to think about how they might tackle it in different ways, and you can explore things like how other people might approach the situation, how you might have approached it.  You could do a little bit of a cost benefit analysis around some of the strategies, if you like, and that sort of thing.  So here the 'A' is really about exploring different alternatives.

Then 'R' stands for 'response'.  Here we want to be now coming back to that desired outcome and saying, "Now that we've got a couple of plans in front of us, what will you do?  How can I support you?  What might be the time frames for this?".  Emotion by design is meant to cause action, but emotions can also get us very stuck, and so here we want to be really encouraging that person now to lean in and to take those actions that might be beneficial for them.

So this holiday season, if you see somebody struggling with a challenging event, think of the EAR model.  It's very simple and it's really easy to lean into.  Empathise, help come up with a different set of little solutions and help someone respond to that event.

So a little bit of a reflective discussion.  David, what did this content get you thinking of in terms of helping others? Let us know some of your thoughts in the chat box.  We're going to finish up on the next slide with another song, so stick with us for our final song in a little bit.  David, over to you.

DAVID SUTTON:  Yes, thanks, Ben.  It's got me, as I mentioned earlier, thinking of how I'm going to connect, and I think if I was to put it in a nutshell, it's to be present.  As principals and school leaders and teachers and ES, we can get absorbed in our work and then not be our best selves for the people might important to us.  So what I've taken away from this is that I'm going to close the door on Friday and immerse myself in the family dynamic and the family situation and approach everything with openness and be as non‑judgmental as possible, and do some mindful drinking ‑ not too much; just a little bit!

DR BEN PALMER:  Thank you very much, David.  Okay.  So one of the things that I said along the way is to exercise your emotionality, to engage in things that move you emotionally.  I thought I'd finish our session with something that certainly moved the nation a bit emotionally this year.  You might recognise this image.  This is the Australian Wallabies.  This year, when Australia played Argentina in the Rugby, for the very first time in a big sporting event, we had our National Anthem sung in an Indigenous Australian language.  So to finish off our webinar, I want to play that video for you now and then I'll bring us to a quick summary.  Thanks, everyone.

(Video plays)

ANNOUNCER: A proud Wiradjuri woman, a student of Newtown Performing Arts High School. 

(She sings in an Indigenous language).

# In joyful strains, then let us sing Advance Australia Fair #

ANNOUNCER: That is a first at an international sporting event involving an Australian national team. 

DR BEN PALMER:  There we go.  Thank you very much, everyone, for coming and we hope you've enjoyed the session.  As I said, do things that move you emotionally.  For me, that certainly got me contemplating important topics at the holiday time, things like recognition, things like equity, inclusion, diversity, all the topics that are good for our heart, mind and our relationships.  So I hope you've enjoyed the session and I hope you have a fantastic holiday and a safe and happy new year.  I'm going to hand back over ‑ I'm not sure if Kate's with us.  Maria, I might hand back over to you just to wrap up the session and thank everyone for coming. 

MARIA ODDO:  Thanks, Ben.  I'm not sure if Kate is with us, but on behalf of Bastow and of Genos, I just want to thank you, Ben.  Oh, here she is, Kate.  I was just going to say I wanted to thank Ben and, of course, David Sutton from Maryborough Education Centre.  Thank you for your efforts for our webinar capstone series, and to everybody who's participated with us today, thank you very much for being with us.  Thanks for contributing to the chat box and we wish you all a very safe and happy holiday period and we welcome you back in 2021.  Hope to see you soon.  Thanks again.

KATE MORRIS:  Brilliant. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Well done, Maria. Thanks, everyone.  If you want to stick around, we've got one more song.  Use this last three minutes just to contemplate as we head into Christmas.  Thank you to Kate and all the team at Bastow.  Go, Kate.

KATE MORRIS:  Yes, I just think it's a gold star for being in the room today.  That's really investing in yourself and your community, the people around you and really ensuring you're getting your holiday fitness ready around being able to step into Friday afternoon with a lot of style and a lot of care.  So good on you. 

DR BEN PALMER:  Alright.  Thanks, everyone. 

KATE MORRIS:  Thanks, Ben, David, Maria and Peter.  Bravo. See you guys.